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  “I don’t want anything from you!” she screamed at him.

  “I’m just trying to help.”

  “No you’re not. You want something – all of you want something. Everybody has a motive.”

  As he bent down to pick the food off the floor, she saw his lips move.

  “And stop praying for me. I don’t want anything from your God either. Do you hear me?”

  He walked out of her room without saying a word, but she knew he was in that office of his praying. Like she wanted anything from a God who was cruel enough to allow her to be born to a whore like Flora Stephens. She rolled over in bed and whispered, “At least I protected my child, Mama. Why couldn’t you do the same for me?”

  A single angry tear rolled down Cynda’s face as she lay in bed too weak to lash out. Too weak to get high and relieve some tension. Too weak to do anything but hate.

  She hated life for the pain it brought her, and hated Keith for the way he took everything in stride. Her taunting didn’t cause him to yell or hit. He just backed up and prayed. So she decided to ignore him. Once she was able to move around again, she would show him control. She’d show him that he had no restraint – not with her.

  12

  By the time Isaac and his children woke up, Nina was on an airplane, halfway to Atlanta. She’d packed her clothes and wrote Donavan a note right after she slammed her bedroom door in Isaac’s face. She didn’t want her son to think he’d been abandoned by her, so she told him that the only reason she wasn’t taking him with her was because he had school that Friday morning. She assured him that she would be back home soon. She just needed to see Elizabeth.

  Nina was sure that her best friend would be able to lift her out of this cloud of darkness she’d fallen into. Elizabeth had been there; she had weathered her own storms. Nina needed her faith strengthened. She needed to know that God was still on her side.

  As the plane descended, Nina started crying again. How many tears could one woman have? She thought she’d cried up a storm the night before and couldn’t imagine that she had the ability to shed another tear - but here they were. Just like that old Natalie Cole song, Good Morning Heartache. She bundled up her wet tissues and put them in the trash as the stewardess stopped next to her seat.

  “Are you all right?” an elderly woman seated next to her asked.

  No, I’m in early menopause and my husband had a child by another woman, Nina thought. “I’ll be okay,” Nina told her as she dabbed at her eyes with another tissue.

  Nina took a cab from the airport to Elizabeth’s house. When the cab pulled in the driveway, she got out and knocked on her friend’s door. As she heard someone running down the spiral stairs toward the door Nina wished she had called first, but she knew that Elizabeth wouldn’t start touring her new CD until next month. The last time she and Elizabeth talked, Kenneth, was working out the final details for the tour.

  The door swung open and Elizabeth grabbed Nina’s arm, pulling her inside. “Girl, get in here. Isaac called. He told me that you left a note for Donavan stating that you were on your way here, but when I didn’t hear from you, I got worried.”

  Nina allowed herself to be pulled into Elizabeth’s mammoth size foyer. Every time Nina visited her friend, all she could think was, Go on, girl. Do your thang. There was no jealousy between these two friends. Both knew they had chosen their God given path in life and was satisfied with the fruits of their labor.

  Elizabeth was a dark skinned beauty with long, shoulder length hair, while Nina was several shades lighter with short layered hair. The contrast between the two best friends didn’t end there. Elizabeth had always been more flamboyant - more of a risk taker than Nina. When shopping, Elizabeth always picked bold colorful outfits, while Nina preferred the serenity of earth tones. As one of today’s premier gospel singers, Elizabeth was constantly on tour and in the public eye, while Nina preferred to sit behind her computer, writing best selling Christian fiction. The introvert and the extravert.

  “Why don’t you have your cell phone turned on?” Elizabeth asked Nina. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

  Tears welled in Nina eyes once more. “I didn’t want to talk to Isaac, so I turned it off.”

  “Ah hon, stop crying,” Elizabeth said as she hugged Nina, and then told her, “Isaac has called here about ten times already. He was sure you were on your way here.”

  “D-did he tell you what he did?”

  Nodding, Elizabeth suggested that they sit in the living room. Nina followed her friend into the living room and sunk into the soft cushions of the orange and beige sofa and cried some more. Elizabeth rubbed Nina’s back and waited for her tears to subside. As she began to quiet down, Elizabeth wiped away tears from her own eyes as she said, “I have to call Isaac and let him know that you made it here safely.”

  Nina grabbed Elizabeth’s arm. “No! If you call him, he’ll come down here and I don’t want to see him right now.”

  “Nina, do you know the man you’re married to?” Elizabeth laughed. “If I call him, he might come, but if I don’t call, he’ll be on the next plane out of Dayton. Let me check in with him so we can work this out on your terms.”

  Nina let Elizabeth’s arm go. “Okay, call him.” As her friend walked out of the room, Nina added, “But tell him I don’t want to see him right now. Tell him that I need a few days for myself.”

  When Elizabeth came back into the living room she said, “Okay, I told him, but I can’t guarantee how long he will stay away.”

  “I don’t want to look at him right now.”

  Elizabeth plopped back on the couch and put Nina’s hand in hers. “It was ten years ago, hon. Are you really going to hold this against him?”

  A lone tear slid down Nina’s face. She wiped it away and confessed. “I thought I was pregnant.”

  “You didn’t tell me that. When? I mean, how far along?”

  Nina lifted her hand to silence Elizabeth’s questions. “I wasn’t. My doctor said I’m in early menopause.”

  Elizabeth shook her head, lifted her eyes to God and then turned back to Nina. “I refuse to believe that. I won’t believe it.”

  Nina hugged her friend. “Thank you for saying that. But right now you have more faith than I do. I’m having a hard time getting back up from this blow from my doctor – and then that man of mine brings home a child he had with some other woman.”

  Sighing deeply, Elizabeth squeezed Nina’s hand again. “I’m sorry that your doctor said that to you. But, I know you didn’t let a mere man destroy your faith. You’ve been telling me for a year now that no doctor could dictate whether or not you can have another child. Remember that, Nina? You told me that your fate was in God’s hands.”

  Elbows on her knees, hands under her chin, shoulders slumped, Nina said, “I really believed that, Elizabeth. But it’s one thing for a doctor to say I might not be able to have anymore kids because of a gunshot wound.” It still terrified Nina when she thought of just how close she came to losing her son that night crazy Mickey Jones hunted her son down and shot both her and Donavan. But God had His angels looking out for them that night. So, although a little bruised they survived. “But when a doctor tells you that you’ve entered menopause, that’s kind of it,” Nina continued. “A dead situation, you know what I mean.”

  Elizabeth smirked. “Yeah, I know all about dead situations. Don’t forget that my husband was in the World Trade Center when it collapsed, and everybody, including yours truly, thought he was dead. But God didn’t see it that way. So, if I don’t know anything else, I know that you’ve got to hold onto your faith. Don’t turn your back on God like I did, Nina.”

  The thought of how Elizabeth had tried to commit suicide all those years ago when she thought her husband was dead sent chills down Nina’s spine. That was a time she didn’t want to go back to. Looking around the expansive room, Nina asked, “Where is Kenneth?”

  “Girl, you know that man is off on another crusade.” Elizabeth laughed. �
��But I’m not mad at him. If nothing else, this family is going to get into heaven because we fed, clothed and visited everybody that ever needed anything.”

  Nina laughed with her. “Don’t I know it? I’ve got the same crusader in my house – he’s even worse than me with it.”

  Elizabeth softly rubbed Nina’s shoulder. “You’ve got a good man, Nina.”

  “Do you have a room I can lay down in? I need to rest for a bit.”

  Elizabeth took Nina upstairs to the guest room and told her to come down when she was ready to eat. But once Elizabeth closed the bedroom door behind her, Nina laid on the firm mattress and didn’t want to get up again. She slept all day, only waking when Erin, Elizabeth’s oldest daughter, knocked on the door. “Telephone, Auntie Nina,” Erin said from the other side of the door.

  “Tell Isaac that I’ll talk to him later,” Nina yelled.

  “It’s Donavan,” Erin told her. “He wants to talk to you.”

  Nina pulled herself out of bed and opened the door. “Thanks hon,” she said to Erin as she took the phone from her. “Hey, Donavan, how was school?”

  “It was fine, but Ma, why’d you go to Atlanta? Is Aunt Elizabeth sick again?”

  “No, baby, nothing like that. I just needed to get away for a little while, that’s all.”

  “When are you coming back home?”

  She felt the tears getting ready to spring forth again. Good afternoon, heartache. “Soon, honey, I’ll be home soon.”

  “Okay. Daddy wants to talk to you,” Donavan said.

  Nina tried to stop him. “Wait, Donavan, I’ve got to go. Just tell your dad…”

  “You tell me, Nina,” Isaac said as his strong voice came across the line, invading her space as he always did. When she didn’t respond to him, Isaac trotted on. “Look, baby, I know I was wrong, but this happened a long time ago. You can’t hold this against me now. Besides, I didn’t even know anything about Iona all this time.”

  “Don’t tell me what I can’t do, Isaac. I’m sick and tired of dealing with your mess.”

  “You just left, baby. How could you leave me like that?”

  Running her hands through her short layered hair, Nina said, “Maybe we never should have been. Maybe we made a mistake by getting married.”

  “Don’t say that, baby. I messed up. You can blame this all on me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I need you.” He sighed. “Baby, if there was no us, I’d probably be dead right now.”

  The tears filling Nina’s eyes dropped onto her cheeks. How could one man have so much power over her heart? She was tired of giving him this much power. “I’ve got to go, Isaac. I’ll come home when I’m ready.” She hung up and then curled up on the bed again. Isaac didn’t need her. He had gotten himself another child without her help – so why couldn’t he just get along with the rest of his life without her?

  ***

  On Sunday morning as Elizabeth, Erin and Danae, Elizabeth’s youngest daughter, started getting ready for church, Nina decided to do something she hadn’t done in over a decade: Skip church, and sleep in.

  Elizabeth knocked on the guest bedroom door. “Hey sleepy head, the pancakes are done. We’re leaving in fifteen minutes, so hustle.”

  Nina couldn’t turn down pancakes. It was her favorite breakfast food. She got out of bed, put on her baby blue silk robe and descended the stairs. She was at the kitchen table squeezing syrup on her pancakes when Elizabeth walked into the kitchen.

  Elizabeth glanced at her watch and asked, “Where’s your clothes?”

  “Is Kenneth still out of town?”

  “Yeah, he won’t be back until later tonight. Where’s your clothes?” Elizabeth asked again.

  “I’m not going to church today. You tired me out with all that shopping yesterday,” Nina said as she stuffed some of her yummy pancakes into her mouth.

  “Are you sure about this, Nina?” Elizabeth looked worried.

  She put her fork down and gave Elizabeth a solemn look. “I’m sure, hon. I just need a day off, okay?”

  Elizabeth put her hand on Nina’s shoulder and squeezed. “I’ll see you when we get back home.”

  Nina ate three fluffy pancakes before Elizabeth and her children headed out for church. When she was fully sated, she put her plate in the sink and climbed the stairs heading back to her room. But her full stomach did nothing for the emptiness of her soul. She had trusted God, and He had let her down. How was she supposed to bounce back from that?

  Feeling restless in her room, Nina put on her tan and white sweat suit and went for a walk. There was no breeze in Atlanta today, only hot, humid air. Being an Ohio girl where the sun definitely didn’t shine all year round, Nina wondered how anyone could put up with the constant assault of heat and humidity. But then, hadn’t she been putting up with a constant assault of her own. First, a maniac shot her and Donavan. When she awoke in the hospital she was told that the placement of the bullet made it near impossible for her to ever conceive again, then she was forced to watch her only child fight for his life, thank God he survived. But her pain wasn’t over. Not only did she have to face the fact that she would probably not be able to provide her husband with another child, but her doctor tells her that she might be in the early stages of menopause – then her husband has the audacity to bring home a child he had with another woman.

  Sweat dripped from Nina’s forehead as anger caused her to pick up the pace. Her arms swung back and forth in motion with her short legs. She looked to heaven, wanting desperately to tell God how she was feeling, but she was just too angry. No, talking wasn’t what she wanted. Her fist balled as she marched. She wanted to fight. Satan didn’t want to mess with her today, she would take care of God’s light work and free up some of God’s time so He could solve some of her problems.

  Her clothes were sticking to her by the time she returned to Elizabeth’s house. She jumped in the shower, changed her clothes, flopped on her bed and tried to channel surf, but her eyes kept turning toward the Bible on her night stand. She could almost hear the Lord saying, I missed you today.

  Anger subsided as her eyes misted over. She got out of her bed and fell on her knees. She had been angry with God and had hoped that missing church would remove all thoughts of God from her mind. But she couldn’t get away from her Life Giver; couldn’t turn her back on all she knew to be true.

  “I missed You too, Father. I’ve had an awful morning,” she bellowed through the current of her tears. “B-but I don’t know where to go from here. I’m hurt, Lord. Can’t Y-You understand that?”

  The tears were flowing down her cheeks as she continued to pour out her sorrow. Her heavenly Father understood her better than anyone, so while pancakes, walks and channel surfing couldn’t soothe the trouble in her soul – this talk with God was making her want to believe again.

  Wiping away the tears that had cascaded down her face, Nina asked her Lord, “But how can You turn my situation around?”

  God’s answer came in a gentle whisper, “Beloved, where is your faith?”

  Head bent low, Nina admitted that her faith had weakened as she waited for God to turn her situation around. But hadn’t Sarah, Abraham’s wife, waited on God for decades? So who was she to give up after only one year?

  Someone was leaning on Elizabeth’s doorbell. Nina had a pretty good idea who it was. She got off her knees vowing to trust God.

  Downstairs she opened the front door. Isaac was leaning against the door jam, that deep chocolate skin and those drive-me-wild dimples were beckoning her as he said, “Time’s up.”

  13

  Keith wondered if Cynda had taken too much pain medication. She had become silent and withdrawn; hadn’t opened her mouth to curse him in three days. Was she delirious? The swelling was going down. Her lip was no longer fat, so he knew it didn’t cause her pain to talk anymore. Maybe she was just tired of being ornery.

  “Are you hungry?” Keith asked while putting a bowl of ham and bean soup on the table next to her b
ed.

  She scooted up in bed. “Yeah, I could eat something,” she moaned. He sat a couple of novels on the table next to her soup.

  She picked them up. “Sunday Brunch, More Than Grace, and Divas of Damascus. What’s this?”

  “Just some novels I thought you might enjoy while recuperating. I figured that since the sling was off your arm now, you’d want something to do.” He then replaced her high dosage pain medication with the store bought bottle he’d given her the first day he brought her home. “You won’t need this high dosage anymore. Your pain isn’t as severe anymore.”

  She lifted her leg. “I need this thing off.” She shook the detection device around her ankle. “Then I can get out of here and get back to my life.”

  “You need to eat.”

  She grabbed the bowl and ate some of the soup. Then she asked Keith, “Can you call Isaac’s house? I need to ask Iona something.”

  Keith smiled, “This is the first time you’ve asked to speak to Iona since you’ve been here. She’ll be happy to talk to you.”

  “Are you criticizing me about how much I talk to my daughter?”

  Keith held up a hand. “Look, I’m not trying to start an argument with you. I just think Iona will be happy to talk to you.”

  “Well she could have talked to me everyday if that judge hadn’t given my child to that man,” Cynda retorted.

  Keith left the room to get the telephone so he could call Isaac’s house. When he walked back into the room and handed Cynda the telephone and told her that Iona was on the line for her.

  She took the phone and stared at Keith. “Can I have some privacy?”

  Keith went to his office to check his emails and return about fifteen calls. Of course he would have to use his cell phone since Cynda was on the house phone.

  ***

  On Friday, Cynda’s attorney stopped by. She was feeling good enough to sit in the living room with Jim and Keith.

  “So what’s up, man? How are you going to get me out of this?” Cynda asked.