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  He shrugged.

  “So you’re not going to say anything, huh? Well, I already know that you were at a strip club the other night. And right before you got arrested for drunk driving, you were losing all your money in some crap game.”

  “Whoever your informants are, you tell ‘em I said that they need to stop watching me and watch TV.”

  “You’re out of control, Tommy. God only knows what else you’ve been doing.”

  “That’s right,” Tommy sneered. “God knows. He knows everything, but do you think He cares?”

  “Yes, Tommy, God does care about everything you do.”

  “Really? Well let’s see… I was with Little Bo Peep the other night; God didn’t say a word. The night before that I was with this red head; never heard a peep from God. And you don’t even want to know who I was with last night. But God knows, right?” He lifted his arms to the heavens. “No lightning struck me, no thunder roared. God does not care, Elizabeth.”

  “Well, I care, Tommy. And if you continue going down this destructive path, you can find someone else to manage.”

  Tommy’s mouth gaped wide open. “You would fire me? After all we’ve been through? I’ve been here for you, Elizabeth. I stuck by you.”

  “And I’m here for you. You never have to doubt that. But I will not stand by and watch you destroy yourself.”

  He flung his hands in the air. “What do you want me to do, Elizabeth? You can’t change me with threats. I was born this way.”

  “You don’t believe that anymore than I do.”

  “Hey, scientists have proven that our brains are wired differently.”

  Elizabeth crossed her arms. “Well, this won’t be the first time I’ve ignored science. I choose to believe God. Every man is given a choice. You either choose to obey God or you don’t.”

  “So that’s it then?” He cocked his head and smirked. “This is where we part company.” He started walking down the steps. “You’ve got your precious husband back, so you don’t need me anymore.”

  Elizabeth reached out for him. “Tommy, wait. I do need you in my life. You’re my friend. Let’s talk about this.”

  He looked around. “Where’s your husband?”

  “He took the girls to the park.” She tugged on his shirtsleeve. “Come on, let’s go somewhere and talk.”

  He removed her hand from his shirt. “No. It’s clear that you’ve got your family back. I’m going to do what you suggested earlier – go find myself some other group to manage.”

  ***

  “Weeeee. Higher, Daddy, higher.”

  Kenneth smiled as Danae kicked her feet, leaned her head back, and swung into the air with open abandonment. How he longed to join her. Just forget about what was, and concentrate on what is and what could be. Liz claimed that they had been happy. She acted like she wanted them to be that way again. Maybe he was giving her too much of a hard time. But this morning, when she ran out of their house to go bail out her boyfriend, Kenneth could have strangled her.

  Oh Lord, how do I trust this woman, when she keeps running after some other man? How can I work on my marriage, when I’m not sure if it’ll last?

  He stopped the swing. “Come on, Danae. You can get on the slide and then we’ve got to go.”

  Erin stood to the side looking bored. Danae got off the swing and ran over to the slide. She stumbled over some rocks as she ran through the sandbox. She was falling head first to the ground. Kenneth couldn’t move quick enough.

  A lady on the park bench next to the sandbox jumped up and grabbed the back of Danae’s shirt. She stood Danae upright and gave her a toothless grin. “Almost got the wind knocked out of you, huh?”

  Danae smiled up at the toothless woman. “Thank you.”

  The woman’s clothes were filthy. She had holes in the sides of her shoes and she had her dirty hands on Danae.

  Kenneth called, “Danae get over here.”

  Danae turned toward him. “Daddy, Daddy, this lady saved me.”

  He pulled Danae closer to him as he eagle-eyed the woman. “Thank you for catching my daughter,” he finally said, then turned his girls in the direction of the slide and walked away.

  “Hey, mister,” she called out. “You got a couple dollars for a homeless, pregnant woman?”

  “Come on. Hurry up, girls. Let’s go,” Kenneth said.

  “Come on, Mister. I’m not on crack. I just need something to eat.” She followed behind them, rubbing her belly.

  Kenneth turned back to the woman and shielded his children behind him. “Get a job. You can get all the food you need then.”

  Her blue eyes narrowed. “You think you’re so much better than me, huh? Well, you ain’t.”

  He held up his hand. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you. I’m just trying to have a good time with my children.”

  “You go ahead and spend time with your children. Don’t you worry at all that my children are starving.”

  Thanks for the permission to not have a sleepless night. “Okay, fine.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. “How much will it cost me to feed you and your children?”

  “Thank you, Mister, you don’t know what this-”

  “How much?”

  She tapped her finger to her chin and squinted. Kenneth could just imagine her thoughts. If you find a sucker, lick it. Well, she wasn’t about to find out what flavor he was. “Here’s ten dollars – don’t booze it up.”

  She looked at the money, then back at Kenneth. “I got five kids, Mister. Ten dollars ain’t gon’ feed all them.”

  “Take it or leave it.”

  She snatched the money. “Next time I’mma let your daughter fall. Your crippled behind wouldn’t have been able to catch her.” As she walked away she added, “Shoulda least been worth twenty dollars.”

  18

  Elizabeth sat on the floor in her home office with papers and envelopes scattered around her. She was crying. Her sorrow-filled eyes glanced up at Kenneth as he walked into the room.

  He sat down on the couch near Elizabeth. “What’s wrong, Liz?”

  She picked up one of the pieces of paper on the floor and handed it to him.

  Dear Mrs. Underwood,

  You were an inspiration to me. Your music really spoke to my heart.

  Well, all of it but one song that was on your CD, I didn’t understand

  then why you put a song that didn’t edify God on your CD, but now

  I know. That song came from your heart, and your heart has been

  turned black. You have been corrupted.

  I am very disappointed in you, Elizabeth. I bought your CD believing

  that you really loved the Lord. Now I feel like you stole my hard

  earned money – maybe I should ask for a refund. But that’s okay, you

  keep the money you stole from me and the thousands of others who

  bought your CD and get some therapy.

  Sincerely,

  An X-fan

  “What’s this supposed to mean?” Kenneth asked, handing the letter back to Elizabeth.

  She wiped her nose and handed him another letter. “Oh, it gets better. My fans hate me.”

  Elizabeth,

  I really enjoyed your first CD. But now I know that I really need

  to pray more before buying my CDs. You and your fag boyfriend

  are cursed. What in the world were you thinking? And to try to kill

  yourself over some confused man. Girl, I would have bust a cap in

  him and kept on stepping. You are too weak minded to be an idol of

  mine. God will judge you for all your wrong doings. You and your

  boyfriend’s days are numbered. When God gets through with you,

  you’ll be sorry for even thinking about committing suicide over a

  man like Tommy Brooks.

  Laquesha

  “I have disappointed my fans.”

  He lowered his head and studied the ground. His eyes were cold and
withdrawn as he shook his head. He got up to excuse himself.

  Elizabeth grabbed his arm. “What’s wrong?” Fresh tears explored her eyelids, then traveled down the familiar tear streaked paths on her face.

  “Look, Liz. Maybe I’m not the best person to have this discussion with.”

  “But you’re my husband.”

  He turned away from her. “That’s why I don’t want to read letters about Tommy Brooks.”

  “I’m a disgrace. I’ve disappointed you, my fans, everybody. Look at these.” She handed him letters typed on church stationery. “All of my singing engagements have been cancelled. Nobody wants to associate themselves with me.”

  Kenneth frowned as he reviewed all the cancellation letters. “Liz, you need to look at this from their point of view. You did try to commit suicide.”

  “I know that, Kenneth. Don’t you think I know that?” She grabbed some tissues out of the Kleenex box on her desk and blew her nose. “But some of these people were my friends. I’ve been to their homes, Kenneth. You would think they would have sent me a get-well card, or something. Instead, all I received is a letter from their secretaries telling me I’m not wanted.”

  “Look Liz, these people aren’t the only game in town. You want to sing?” She nodded. “Do you believe that this is the ministry that God has for you?” Again she nodded. “Then you’ve got to believe that when one door closes, God will open another for you.”

  She tried to offer up a smile to his encouraging words, but her lips were still quivering from all the blubbering. Her smile didn’t linger long.

  Kenneth touched her face. “With your eyes, a smile from your heart shows in your eyes.”

  Elizabeth sucked in her breath and touched the hand Kenneth held to her face. “Kenneth, you used to tell me that whenever I gave you a half-hearted smile. Oh my God, you remembered.”

  He pulled his hand from her grasp and put it on his scars as he stood. “Liz, can I ask you something?”

  She wiped at the tears on her face. “Shoot.”

  “What did I do? I mean, what was my job before I lost my memory?”

  Subject changed. “You owned a technical consulting firm. It was called TechStar. You were very successful.”

  He lifted a bushy brow as he twirled his cane. “CEO, huh?”

  She sat down on the sofa and smiled. “Yeah, baby, you were top dog.”

  “So what happened? Who’s running my company now?”

  The smile dropped from Elizabeth’s lips. She had just let the cat out of the bag. Fur balls, too big to swallow, were getting ready to be coughed up. “Kenneth, I… I.” She started picking up her X-fan mail. “Can we discuss this later, Kenneth? I really need to think about what I’m going to do now that I don’t have any singing engagements.”

  “One thing you can do with all that free time is start talking. What happened to my company, Liz?”

  She massaged her forehead, then faced her husband. “I sold the company, Kenneth.”

  He sat down and closed his eyes. His head was in his hands when he asked, “How could you do that, Liz? How could you sell something that belonged to me?”

  She tilted her face and frowned up at him.

  “How long after I disappeared before the for sale sign went up?”

  She bent her head. “Kenneth, you don’t understand. I was in no condition to-”

  He towered over her. “How long, Liz?”

  “Four months, okay! Four months! I had a nervous break down, Kenneth. I couldn’t hold onto your business and regain my sanity. So, when the investors offered to buy me out, I jumped at the chance. Can’t you see it was my only option?”

  “Even Stevie Wonder could see plenty of other options besides selling off my company four months after I disappeared.”

  She closed her eyes. “Kenneth, I-”

  “How much did you sell my company for?”

  “When everything was done, I cleared three million.”

  “What did you do with my money?”

  The frost in his eyes chilled her to the bone. She didn’t miss the way he kept slinging “my” around either. Like this was his world, and she was on borrowed time in it.

  Well, let the chips fall. She wasn’t going to keep cowering to him. “I bought this house, Kenneth. You know, so your children would have a place to lay their heads at night. The rest of your precious money is in the bank.” Getting off the floor, she stood to face him. “I couldn’t stay in Dayton. I would have tried to kill myself sooner if I stayed in that town with all the memories of you. Don’t you see I needed this? Can’t you understand that?”

  He lifted his cane like a sword and extended it toward her heart. His lips curled. “I ought to put you out!” He shook his head. “Scandalous. That’s what this mess is.”

  The Arctic wind blew by her as he stormed out of her office.

  Erin stepped in with fiery eyes. “Why do you keep upsetting Daddy?” she said to her mother.

  Elizabeth put her hands to her head. “Not now, Erin.”

  “So, you’re just going to let him leave? I guess you’ll be walking out the door next.”

  She took a step toward her daughter. “Baby, no. I’m not going-”

  “Don’t come near me.” Erin turned and stumped out.

  Elizabeth flopped on the couch. What next? Tommy had dismissed himself from her life. Her fans and peers in the ministry wanted nothing else to do with her. Her husband was ready to toss her out of his house on her ear. And now her daughter was tripping. She looked to heaven as a single tear rolled down her face. “I won’t crumble, Lord. All have left me, but as long as You are in my corner – I am never alone. I will fight. I will win with Your help, Lord.”

  ***

  Kenneth sat in Elizabeth’s SUV silently praying, Lord, how do I get pass this? How can I make a life with a woman who keeps showing her lack of respect for me?

  He glared at the house for which he had unknowingly spent over a million dollars. He slammed his fist into the steering wheel. Briefly, he felt bad for taking his anger out on Elizabeth’s car. But then he thought that she had probably bought the SUV with his money too, and he hit the steering wheel again.

  Your children needed a place to lay their heads, she had told him. What about him? Didn’t he need a job, something to do? But Evil E had stripped that from him along with everything else. What was he supposed to do now? He was tired of sitting around. His body had done as much recuperating as it was going to do. He ought to go back in his house, get the name of the bank holding his money, drive over there, and make a one-time withdrawal. Then he would get on the road and never look back.

  To think, he actually felt sorry for her when he first walked into the house. He wanted to hold her, rock her in his arms until her tears dried. But Tommy was between them.

  I’m not needed at this house, Lord. Why should I stay where I’m not wanted?

  A knock came on the window. Kenneth thought it was Elizabeth and snarled in her direction.

  “What’s wrong, Daddy?” Erin asked.

  Your mother just gut-punched me. Kenneth rolled down the window. “Nothing, baby. I’m just getting ready to take a ride.”

  “Where are you going?”

  No doubt about it, this was his child. She wasn’t as light as he, but that was his round chin and box nose. How could he be thinking of leaving, when everything he had – everything that would ever mean anything to him – was right here? “I’m just going for a ride, baby girl. You want to come with me?”

  Erin ran to the passenger side of the car, jumped in and buckled up. Kenneth turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the driveway. He would ride I-285 and cool off, maybe grab a bite to eat, then come back home.

  Kenneth and Erin drove out of the Sandstone subdivision, got on the highway, and took a wrong turn into the hood. The Black Mecca advertisements did not mention anything about this place. The ghetto in Atlanta was no different from any other ghetto – it and the inhabitants were brok
e, busted and felonious. He pulled onto one of the side streets and parked. Why had he driven down here? Maybe it was the shock of finding out he had 1.5 million collecting interest in the bank somewhere. Then again, maybe he was here because of the woman he was so rude to – the homeless woman who told him he was no better than anyone else.

  Erin had fallen asleep. In no particular hurry, Kenneth parked his car and watched. A man in a construction hat and coveralls got off the bus and headed up the street. With shoulders slumped, his eyes told of the beat down the system had put on him. Probably had just gotten paid, tabulated his upcoming bills, and discovered what Chris Rock had already told America – he had just enough money to get his broke butt home. The good old USA. Where all were one paycheck away from being homeless. Well, not all. He, and countless others, had more money than they knew what to do with. He twisted his lip and tried to look away. He heard three little girls screaming, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” as they ran down the street.

  The man smiled and reached deep in his pocket. He handed a coin to each girl. They turned and ran back the other way, and his smile faded. A woman opened the door to the third house from the corner. She said something to him. He shook his head. Her neck started moving, finger got to pointing. He pulled his pants pockets inside out and shook the lint off them. She rolled her eyes and slammed the door in his face. He sat down on the porch step and let his head drop.

  Kenneth closed his eyes and leaned back against his headrest. “Lord, what can I do for these people? How can one man correct such a huge problem?”

  He opened his eyes just in time to see a couple of street-corner pharmacists approaching the SUV.

  “What’s up, man? What you need?” the drug dealer asked.

  Kenneth put the SUV in gear and waved them away. Erin’s eyes fluttered open. “Daddy, where are we going?”

  He smiled and rubbed her hair. “Home, baby. We’re going home.”

  19

  Elizabeth sat in her bed trying to read her Word. Her mind, however, was plagued with two things: Kenneth’s memory loss and the discussion at tonight’s deliverance class.