Tears Fall at Night - smashwords Read online

  Carmella gave her friend a questioning glance. “Were you here yesterday?”

  “You know it. The kids and I spent the day with you.”

  “Aunt Rose did more than spend the day with you. She sent us home and spent the evening in here praying for you,” Joy told her mother.

  “Is that true, Rose?”

  Rose shrugged. “I didn’t do anything that you wouldn’t have done for me.”

  “I don’t even remember anything about yesterday. Except that I felt as if I was in a fog and couldn’t get out.”

  “That was because of all the meds they had you on. But Aunt Rose told me to make them stop medicating you,” Joy told her mother. “We knew you’d feel better once you could think straight.”

  Carmella hoped that her daughter was right about that. After seeing Nelson with that man- stealing woman-child, and being laughed at for coming to get her own husband, Carmella had lost it. It was good to be able to lay there and talk with her children and her best friend. They spent the morning talking and then the nurse came in and told Carmella that she was being released.

  “Thank the Lord,” Rose shouted.

  But Carmella didn’t feel much like thanking the Lord, because she felt as if the Lord had let her down. Where had He been when Nelson was stepping out on her? Why hadn’t the Lord allowed her to detect the clues that must have been there? And why had the Lord allowed Nelson to walk his narrow behind out of her life?

  She didn’t tell anyone how she was feeling. She just went home, climbed into her bed and lay there while Joy and Dontae fussed over her. The television was tuned in to the news and all of it seemed so depressing that Carmella couldn’t take anymore. She began channel surfing, hoping to find something to put her in a better mood.

  “Do you need anything?” Joy asked as she opened her bedroom door.

  “I don’t need anything, Joy. You just asked me that ten minutes ago. You and your brother need to chill. Go watch a movie or something.”

  “Okay, but if you need me, remember that I’m just downstairs.” Joy looked anxious as she closed the door.

  Carmella understood why her children were watching her like she was a kleptomaniac in a room full of fine china, but she needed time alone. She needed to think. Something she hadn’t allowed herself to do much of since Nelson packed his bags and left. Carmella had been acting as if her life was over. But in truth, she still had a great deal to live for. Carmella just needed to find a way to let what she had left be enough. So far she hadn’t figured out how to do that. But she was home and back in her right mind, so figuring out her new life would become priority number one, first thing in the morning. But tonight, she just wanted to veg out and watch television mindlessly for a few hours.

  As she switched from channel to channel, she happened upon a Christian station, which reminded her that she hadn’t been to church since this ordeal with Nelson began. Carmella didn’t want to be preached at or feel convicted tonight, so she switched to the next station. It was another Christian station. But this one was showcasing a gospel concert. Carmella loved gospel music and would spend all day in the kitchen cooking and praising God while her praise music vibrated against the walls.

  Recently though, when she’d gone into her beloved kitchen, it had only been to fix a quick meal, so she hadn’t bothered turning on her gospel music. Nor had she bothered to praise the Lord while she went about her day. As she lay there watching and listening to the video of Deitrick Haddon singing Well Done, she realized that even after all that had happened to her, she still wanted to make it to heaven and wanted to hear God say well done.

  As Deitrick asked, through song, if anyone wanted to see their loved ones again, tears dripped down Carmella’s face as she thought of her parents and her brother, the loved ones she had lost and was positive that they had already heard the Lord say well done.

  Carmella was amazed as she listened to the words of that beautiful song. But what disheartened her was the fact that the very same man who sang a song that could speak to the very heart and soul of the listener and cause them to want to do what’s right in order to make it into heaven, had struggled in his marriage as well.

  Nelson was awful for what he had done to her, but at least he wasn’t a pastor or minister of the gospel. Just when she was starting to get angry, and plotting a beat down, rather than enjoying the song for the praise it sent up to God, the messenger left the screen and the song ended. Carmella knew that wanting to smash in the face of every man who ever had the audacity to cry out to God with the same mouth they asked for a divorce with, was not in any way, shape or form being Christ like. But she couldn’t help how she was feeling. She also knew that God loved that singer just as much as he loved her and some times things happen in life. But that never destroys God’s message of hope and love.

  She was about to turn off the television and close her eyes to try to get her mind right, when the host of the gospel video fest started talking and it seemed to Carmella as if he was speaking directly to her.

  He said, “Life is strange in that we can be praising God one moment and falling into sin the next. Or if we aren’t the one committing sin, we are so busy judging the ones who fall into sin that God finds no pleasure in us either.

  “In Galatians 6:1 it says, If a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

  “What am I trying to say?” the announcer asked after quoting from the bible. “Whether you are the one caught up in sin, or you’re the one watching and judging it, we all need to pray. And one more thing…”

  He pointed at the screen in a manner that caused Carmella to believe that he was once again only speaking to her, “When you’re in the midst of trauma and drama, don’t forget to get your praise on.”

  With that said the video of Praise Him in Advance by Marvin Sapp began playing. He was one of her all time favorite gospel singers. He had experienced so much tragedy in his life, and yet he still praised God. Carmella had much respect for Marvin Sapp. So when his video came on, she lifted up on her elbow and leaned closer to the television. Then Marvin Sapp reminded her that praise was her weapon against her problems, because it confused the enemy. She had forgotten how to praise God as she began going through this situation with Nelson. Carmella could picture the devil laughing at her right now.

  She didn’t know how or why it happened, but Carmella was clear on something now: she was in a spiritual battle and the winner would get her soul. When she gave her life to God two decades ago, it had been because she wanted to make it to heaven. She may have forgotten that simple fact over the last month, but in truth, Nelson’s leaving hadn’t changed her mind. She still wanted to see Jesus, her parents, her brother and everyone else that was walking on streets of gold. Carmella just didn’t know how to get back to that place of peace she had once known.

  Come to Me. My arms are open wide, waiting for you.

  It was like a sweet whisper in her ear, but Carmella knew that God had just spoken into her spirit. She was going to win the battle, because she was going to start praising God even before the storm was through raging, as Marvin Sapp’s song advised.

  The next video popped up and Mary Mary started singing about taking the shackles off their feet, Carmella flung the covers off, got out of bed and started dancing around her room. She was just getting started as that video ended and the announcer declared, “You got problems, you got pain? Well praise God anyhow and watch Him bring you through it all.”

  When Yolanda Adams’s I Got the Victory came on, Carmella lifted her hands and praised the Lord like she hadn’t in a long, long time. Each one of the performers that night had spoken to Carmella’s heart in a special way, but Yolanda’s words emboldened her. She had the victory alright, and she wasn’t ever going to give it back.

  “You can’t have my mind and you sure can’t have my soul.” She was shouting at the devil that tried to destroy her life an
d with each step as she danced around her room, she was stomping on that serpent’s head.

  Her door swung open and Joy and Dontae ran in. “What’s wrong?” Joy asked, breathlessly.

  “What happened?” Dontae asked as he came in behind his sister.

  Carmella’s turned toward the door as her children rushed in. They had these worried looks on their faces, like they thought it was time for another seventy-two hour hold. “Relax, you two. I haven’t cracked up again. I’m just praising God.”

  “What for?” Dontae asked as if that was the most ludicrous thing he’d ever heard.

  “You’ve seen me praise God before.”

  “Yeah, but that was when you had something to praise Him for,” Dontae said.

  Her children didn’t understand her. But Carmella couldn’t blame them. She had been walking around like a woman with no faith for over a month. She’d allowed Nelson to strip her bare—but no more. “For the rest of my life, I will praise God whether things are right or wrong… whether I’m happy or sad.”

  “If you say so,” Joy said with a raised eyebrow.

  “What do you mean, if I say so? God is good, Joy Lynn and it’s time we started appreciating Him for His goodness.”

  Both Joy and Dontae looked at her as if she’d just stepped off a space ship and asked them to take her to their leader.

  She didn’t have time for unbelief. Carmella was on an uphill climb, finding her way back to her Savior and she wasn’t about to let her kids get her off track. She put her hands on her hips and told them, “Either praise God with me, or get out of my room so I can finish my praise dance.”

  “I’m not going to dance around this room looking crazy,” Joy said as she turned and walked out of her mother’s bedroom.

  “Count me out, too,” Dontae told her as he also left the room.

  Carmella smiled, turned up her television and kept dancing. Because she’d realized something… not only did she still have her children, but as Joy promised, they would never leave her. Carmella also knew that God was still on her side and that he would never leave her.

  8

  Things weren’t all good in her life, but Carmella was in a praise-Him-anyhow kind of mood and she prayed she would stay in that frame of mind for the rest of her life. Her children were having a hard time adjusting to their new normal and Carmella blamed herself for a lot of their struggles. If she had handled the separation better, then maybe Joy wouldn’t have quit working for her dad or lost so much enthusiasm for law school. Dontae had started cutting classes and being disrespectful to his teachers. Carmella was still praying about the best way to handle that. With Dontae, if she pushed too hard, he would just shut down and she wouldn’t be able to reach him at all.

  She’d tried getting Nelson to spend more time with Dontae, but the man seemed completely ignorant to the fact that his own son was hurting. Well today was pay up day, as far as Carmella was concerned. Nelson wanted a divorce and after three months of waiting for him to come to his senses, she had come to hers.

  Carmella hired a lawyer to represent her interests. Her neighbor, Cynthia had given her Deidre Green’s information, stating that the woman was a pit bull. Carmella was on her way to meet with Deidre, Nelson and Clark Johnson, Nelson’s attorney. Carmella was prepared to sign the divorce papers, but she wasn’t about to go away empty handed. Not after working to put Nelson through law school and then helping him with every step of his career. Nelson might not know that he had her to thank for the advances he’d made, but thank God, since speaking with Deidre, she knew her worth—and he soon would, too.

  As they sat around the table, Carmella nodded to the man who used to be both their attorney, “Clark.”

  “How’ve you been, Carmella?” he asked, his discomfort evident.

  “I’ve been better. But you live on and you move on, right?” Carmella had learned how to motivate herself in the days since she got her praise back. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and she was living proof of that.

  Clark smiled. “You’ve got the right attitude about all of this.”

  Nelson was sitting quietly, looking down at his fingers as she and Clark exchanged pleasantries. But Deidre piped up and said, “We just hope your client brought the right attitude to this meeting. And by right attitude, I mean, he needs to be in the spirit of giving.”

  “I’ve already given. I’ve paid the bills the last three months. But it’s time for Carmella to get a job. I can’t keep supporting her when I’m not even in the house anymore.”

  Deidre quickly responded, “You’re not home anymore because your girlfriend wanted you to move in with her. But that’s not my client’s problem.”

  Carmella had been terrified about life after Nelson. She’d been even more terrified about facing him in a head to head meeting to discuss the terms of their divorce. But after meeting with Deidre and going over her worth after years of cooking, cleaning, child rearing and generally making life happen for all the other members of her household, she became more confident in her abilities. God is good, because she never knew she was worth so much. Nelson leaving didn’t scare her quite so much anymore. Carmella thought, Just as the bible says, if the unbelieving, cheating, stanking, no good husband doesn’t want to stay, then let him go on, and let him live a miserable life with his gold digger… well, maybe the bible doesn’t say all of that, but it does say to let the unbeliever go. But on the day that she was finalizing a divorce she never wanted in the first place, Carmella felt entitled to a little adlibbing.

  Nelson glared at Deidre and then turned to Carmella. “Why’d you have to hire an attorney? Why didn’t you just sign the papers and get on with your life?”

  Again Deidre placed a hand on Carmella’s shoulder. “Because my client is no fool, Mr. Marshall. The agreement you sent to Mrs. Marshall basically entitled her to six months of living expenses and no more. But you seem to forget that Mrs. Marshall put you through law school and cooked, cleaned, bore your children and washed your dirty clothes for twenty-five years. So, I’d say that’s worth much more than six month’s of living expenses, wouldn’t you?”

  “Mr. Marshall isn’t a wealthy man. But he is more than willing to bump that up to a year’s worth of living expenses. That ought to be enough to assist Carmella with this transition. Wouldn’t you agree?” Clark asked.

  Deidre opened the folder in front of her. She took her time looking over the information, then once the suspense had mounted, she said, “Based on the research we’ve done on your client’s financials,” she paused, looking like a woman who enjoyed her job, “with your position as a judge and your consulting business, you’ve been consistently earning about three hundred thousand a year. We’re going to be asking for half of that for a period of no less than five years.”

  “What!” Nelson exploded. He turned to Clark and said, “Do something.”

  “Fifty percent does seem a bit over the top, don’t you think, Mrs. Green?”

  “Not at all, Mr. Johnson,” Deidre answered without giving it a second thought. “Carmella isn’t the one shacking up with a teenager, she’s just the woman left behind… the one who put her life on hold in order to make all of your client’s dreams come true. He wants to be set free, fine. But he has to pay.”

  “But I can’t afford it,” Nelson glanced in Carmella’s direction, his eyes imploring her to understand his plight.

  She looked at the man who’d sent her flying over the cuckoo’s nest, the same man who had broken her children’s hearts, all because he was a selfish and ungrateful human being and she felt no pity for him. “Tell your girlfriend to get an after school job, or learn to live with less.”

  “Why should I live with less? You’re the one who hasn’t worked for twenty years.”

  No he didn’t. She didn’t even recognize Nelson anymore. The man she had been married to used to thank her for the way she contributed to their family. The monster seated across from her was all dressed up like Nelson Marshall, but he
had to be an imposter. “I no longer feel as if I know you, and since I prefer not to talk to strangers, I’m going to ask that you address my attorney for the rest of this meeting.”

  “So, now I can’t even talk to you? Some wife you turned out to be.”

  Carmella didn’t respond to him. She turned back to Deidre and asked, “Can you please continue?”

  “Certainly.” Deidre glanced at her paperwork. Checked off a few items and then said, “We want to have the college fund for Dontae Marshall transferred into either Carmella’s or Dontae’s name immediately.”

  “Oh, so now I can’t be trusted to manage my son’s college fund?”

  “You’re a busy man, Mr. Marshall. We wouldn’t want that college fund to fall into the hands of your mistress because you failed to keep an eye on it,” Deidre wasn’t about to let up on reminding Nelson that he was the one committing adultery in their marriage. As far as she was concerned he could sit back, shut up and start writing checks, because he was going to pay for the way he discarded his wife.

  Nelson and Clark leaned close to each other and said a few words, then Clark said, “Since Dontae is seventeen and will be going off to Harvard next year anyway, Mr. Marshall has no problem with turning the college fund over to his son.”

  Whether Dontae would be going to Harvard or not was still an open question, but she wasn’t going to tell Nelson that Dontae was on the fence about which school to attend the following year. That was the reason she wanted the money out of Nelson’s care. She felt that he was in no position to dictate to her son what he should and shouldn’t do. And Carmella knew that Nelson would try to use the money to threaten Dontae. If it was up to Nelson, Dontae wouldn’t get a dime if he decided not to attend Harvard. She’d sleep better knowing that Dontae had the freedom to follow his own path.

  “One more thing,” Deidre said as she held up her hand.

  “There’s more? What do I owe you now…my kidney? I mean we are splitting everything of mine 50/50 right?” Nelson was beginning to sweat. He loosened his necktie as he shook his head in disgust.